Needed Research

Remember when I wrote about my eyes going bad?

There may be a larger problem at hand and I have some serious homework to do.

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/story/2011-10-13/CooperVision-steps-up-contact-lens-recall-effort/50752418/1

I'm Moving...

Care to follow me in future blogs?

Visit me at the following link - post a comment to continue to receive email updates.

Thank you everyone for your support!!

http://officeappetite.wordpress.com/

Contract Pending...

I have done the necessary research and have pleasantly discovered that the publisher that has sent me a contract is legitimate. This is the real deal - what every author dreams about. Kenny Rogers had his book published through them, as well.

So I may strike a deal and sign a contract before this month's end.

Wish me luck!

Phoney Baloney

Listen; when you visit my site I am not going to pollute it with advertising. There’s nothing else that annoys me as much.

It’s cool that the web site owners are trying to cash in when you purchase something from their site, but honestly, its pennies or maybe a free downloadable song. And what are the chances that you check your credit limit or buy computer software while reading a friend’s blog?  

Anyway, that’s my opinion and just know, while visiting this blog, you won’t have any bothersome advertisement begging for your attention; besides the obvious – me posting a story or perhaps giving a review on something.

Dosage of 100

To all my fans….thank you so much for your support!

I have now sold over one hundred of my books: collectively my first novel and short stories.

It sure does take hard work to get my name out there and so far I have marketed to five different cities. It looks like my hard work is paying off!

I am proud to say that I have been contacted by a publisher who wants to publish Jungle Rapids. A very exciting day for any author!  However, I am not ready for that step just yet and have put them on hold for the time being.

If I do sign the contract, the books presently available will have to be put off the market. So if you have purchased any of these early releases, let’s consider them Limited Edition copies. Who knows? Maybe they’ll be worth something someday.

So to all my Limited Edition fans, thank you again for your support and happy reading!

It Won't Be Long

Soon enough everyone will own a Smartphone. As phones age and upgrades are available, and with cheaper options, Smart phones will soon demand the marketplace. Several people around me already have them and it’s only a matter of time before I will upgrade myself.

Let’s forget about the standard options with a phone, such as a camera, instant messaging, and internet access, which Smartphone’s also have. But Smartphone’s come with so many free and downloadable apps, to which almost everything can be controlled. You can play videos, vote on your favorite television show, find the nearest doctor or pharmacy, download a book, order takeout or delivery, the list goes on and on…

Mark my words; soon you will be able to control any remote object around you, too, such as lights, the television, or radio. Travelling down the road in your car, commercials will be sent directly to your phone from all the retailers you pass. Cool, huh? It’s literally around the corner. Don’t believe me? It’s happening in Europe right now (and has been for awhile).

It’s sad that we won’t have to use our brains for some of these things anymore, like we used to. If I were to lose all my phone numbers in my phone, I’d be lost and would have to start collecting them all over again. (Ok, so I’m bad. I don’t have anything saved to my SIM card.) And friends that aren’t on Facebook would be lost forever. I have already enlisted my mobile phone as my main source of contact. I don’t have a phone sitting at home on my kitchen counter (unless my mobile is charging). The only ringing source is my alarm, which I never use, either. As annoying as that is, I use the one on my phone.

The only electronic I carry with me all the time is the phone. And anyone who knows me knows I hate talking on the phone. So for me to carry it all the time really shows its true dependency.

As phones have evolved, they’ve gotten smaller over time. It’s funny how Smartphone’s are larger than their predecessors. I wonder if they will continue to get smaller over time, too.

Being the sensible person I am, I will use my current phone until it breaks or I can’t text anymore. But on the brighter side, the possibility of a better Smartphone being available when I am in the market is 150% guaranteed.

A Bicyclist's Death Wish

Okay, so after getting hit by a car while riding a bike, I am now well read on bike safety. And naturally, of course, as a driver, I am more conscious of pedestrians and people riding bikes. Mentally while driving, I lecture bikers on how they are riding on the wrong side of the road and they, too, will get hit by a car. I have learned that bicyclists are considered motorists, and as such, they have responsibilities, too. My fellow bicyclists beware: if you get hit by a car, it may be your fault.

So why not throw in another curve ball on the street? Just the other day I was driving in a parking lot. With no stop sign, I yielded and made my right turn. With head turned to the left, looking for oncoming traffic, I only noticed a bicyclist. Figuring I had enough time, I made that right turn.

Now, how fast can a bicyclist go? With all the physics and mental calculations that are conducted on a daily basis, we motorists can quickly determine if we have enough time to make that turn.

Or not. It wasn’t until I made that right turn that I realized that the bicyclist was motorized. Yip! Now a bicyclist can go twenty miles per hour (or faster!). Luckily he made a right turn that was before my turn.

But you’re kidding me, right? Now we have to watch for speeding bicyclists. Our basic knowledge training system that we can still beat that bike has to be mentally rewired. We’re just asking for more deaths and accidents to our bicycling community.

Especially here in Florida, where a larger percentage of our driving community is senior citizens. One glance is not enough anymore to determine if you can make that turn. You’d better make a complete stop, look both ways TWICE, and learn to ignore the honking vehicle behind you. Better safe than sorry!

Of course, if you disagree, please feel free to let me know. Et al bad driver, bad example, make no sense at all.

New Release - Jungle Rapids

Jungle Rapids - now released on Amazon.com and Smashwords.

The time for a long awaited vacation has finally arrived! The Obstrikes are in desperate need of a vacation and after a late start and arriving to the closed park, they don't let these obstacles dissuade them. Breaking into and lost in the park, they are confronted with death and danger of sharks, bears, and lions. Finding a rare gem, two men with a gun are close on their trail and kidnapping and killing are not beneath them. But even the sanctuary of their home isn't safe, as their bad luck follows them. 

Jungle Rapids is now available on Amazon.com and Smashwords for $2.99.


As I am environmentally friendly, autographed copies are available by request only.

TWICE LUCKY BITCH!

Wow! It happened again! I am really starting to feel that God is trying to kill me!

I am slowly learning that bikes and I don’t mix. I really do have a bad history with bicycles and motorcycles alike.

Ok, so Sunday, we rented a scooter and went for a delightful afternoon ride. We ended the ride at an empty parking lot so I decided that I would learn how to drive one.

It started out good and although still uncomfortable, I was thinking that it was easy. On my second turn around, I mistook the brake for the accelerator. I'm sure my confidence was to blame, too.

Wham! I slammed right into a concrete pole.

So my right side is now the damaged side. I have several scrapes and two burn marks. My knuckles are scraped up and my arm took the brunt of the hit. It is scraped, bruised, and keeps swelling up.

Even now I should have ice on it.

Not to mention that I still have bruises from my last accident. So my legs are super attractive right now.  

I will be surprised if I survive until next year.

So please consider this a premonition to my death, if it should occur soon.

Lucky Bitch!

This post is more for my personal record keeping, if you will.

I am so lucky to be alive today.

Yesterday I was riding my bike and got hit by a car. Luckily it was more like a tap that knocked me off my bike but I know it could have been worse.

I was riding on the wide sidewalk, void of any pedestrians. I saw the Ford Expedition pull out and stop for traffic. The driver was making a right turn. I slowed down, and when I saw the car's abrupt braking, I mistook it for a sign that he saw me. Mistake #1: Wearing sunglasses, I never saw if we made eye contact.

Mistake #2: A clearing was coming that would allow the driver to make that right turn. I thought I had enough time to clearly pass the SUV before he was able to turn. Only for a split second did I even think I should just wait until he was out of my path.

Just as I was passing the SUV's driver's side bumper, the car accelerated, knocking me over. The bumper hit me on my hip, leaving a nasty bruise. I also have a bruise above my ankle and above my knee, on my other leg.

That's all of my injuries. Nothing broken. But, man, was I shaken up!

Of course, the driver was very apologetic and signed an affidavit as well as provided all his insurance information. He suggested going to the hospital but I declined, feeling like I was fine. I was going to wait another day to see how I felt.

Plus I didn't feel he was in fault 100%. I am always preaching that pedestrians, bicyclists, and motorcyclists need to practice extra caution when on the road.

That same night I was dancing and having fun.

The fact that this happened on my birthday makes the event feel even more surreal.

The epidemic of social networking is vastly among us!

                I am not ashamed to admit that I was addicted to Facebook and became an abuser.

                My numbers climbed from twenty friends to over one hundred. And most of these people I’ve never heard of. The first step I took to break my addiction was to reduce my friends and family to the ones I truly knew. Once I did this, the excitement wore off because there wasn’t much to read about, that I didn’t already know about. All the pictures have already been reviewed, I knew everyone’s relationship status, and I flirted with old boyfriends and even met some new ones. And where did I find the time to be so socially inclined?

                I am included in the statistic for people who have lost their job over the absolute desire and need to be on Facebook. Yip! That’s right.

                I look back and think “why?” There really wasn’t much to look at or read about. I became so involved with what was going on with other people’s lives that I forgot to live mine.

                So if you are looking to find me on Facebook, you won’t find me. I have officially closed that chapter of my life.

The Written Word

It may sound old fashioned but I miss the days of hand writing. Maybe it’s just me, but when I used to write on paper, I had time to roll my thoughts around in my head, savor them, and rearrange them and either dismiss them or forward them for further processing. Further processing meant I would rephrase them into a descriptive sentence and then solidify it on paper. Perhaps because writing is slower than typing, I had more time to congeal my thoughts in my head. Typing up my handwritten notes, my story was nearly perfect. There were no spelling or grammar issues.

Today I type everything on the computer. I find myself stopping to think about my words, as my typing has gotten so fast. I often use the backspace button to delete and re-phrase my sentences. I stop more frequently to contemplate my next words or description. I often miss a letter in a word or misspell and have to double-check my work, as my typing is not perfect. In the event that I find it is taking too long to find the words I am looking for, I will write my thoughts down on a scrap piece of paper. This method is the cure for my imaginative mind. 

            After several years of typing, my once beautiful hand writing now looks like scribble. Sometimes not even I know what it reads. After hand writing a few paragraphs, my hand starts to cramp. I suppose I should be grateful because typing is much more efficient than writing. And that callous on my finger has had time to heal. Typing is still my friend. I just miss the value and art form of a pen on paper. I still think of it as the true outlet for creativity.

Heard around the office (past employment)

“My husband blamed me for giving him athlete’s foot. He said I was peeing in the shower.”

“Would you like to pet my pooch?”

-In response to a stuffed dog.

“Is that where you insert a CD? I thought it was a cup holder.”

“With such high turnover, there should be a revolving door in the lobby.”

“I used to hide out in the bathroom stall in order to miss a meeting. They even sent someone to look for me and I flushed the toilet – twice.”

“Once during a fire drill, everyone emptied out of the building and met in their designated places. I witnessed a person going into the building. I went to find the person and found out it was an applicant waiting to fill out an application.”

“It’s okay to be friendly, but not okay to be friends. So, when are we having a sleepover?”

Not Quite Blind

             For over two decades, I have relied on computer monitors in the workplace. A constant eight hours of sitting, staring at a glowing monitor. I had no reason to question the damage caused to my irises - until in my thirties, I developed a severe eye infection that left my eyes red for months. My eyes were so sore; my Doctor said I was lucky not to have lost my eye sight.

            While not dwelling further into my condition, I couldn’t stop thinking about my personal debate about the damage that staring at a computer monitor can do. And I worry about it on a constant basis because every night when I get home, my eyes are tired.

            The last thing I want to do is watch television or jump on the computer. But of course, my personal finances are conducted on my laptop. And I can’t turn on the computer and not conduct a little online shopping, too. It’s an addiction of mine that’s hard to kill.  Oh, and I have to check the status of my friends and family on Facebook. Planning to be on the computer for a few minutes’ easily turns into a few hours.  

            Although on the computer daily for almost 20 years, I wasn’t educated in computers until high school, as an elective.  Nowadays children are on computers as infants. This means they will be on computers for the rest of their lives!

            Teenagers are already consumed with gaming systems, like Wii, that rely on the use of a television. Hand held games, like Nintendo DS, laptops, and anything digital are gifts that kids will always want and receive.  And now there are new computer technologies like the Kindle and i-Pad that adults have on their wish lists.

            WebMd has an article entitled, “Computer Vision Syndrome.” There’s even a name for my concern. It has also been proven that computers cause pain and obviously, eye strain.  I maintain that it won’t be known for several years the impact that computers have on our eyes. I certainly hope that I am wrong and have nothing to worry about. I will still always wonder if the loss of eyesight can be related to over exposure of ionizing radiation, toxicity, flickers, high frequency notes, and even glare.

            I hope a study is being conducted, monitoring the damage done to our eyesight by the unnatural light that is emitted from computers and the other factors listed above. The study should evaluate not people in our age group, but the babies of today and their lifetime.

            I certainly don’t want to give the wrong impression that computers should be completely eliminated. Our lifestyles certainly demand their use! I am, however, suggesting that we take responsibility for ourselves and watch our personal consumption.  

            Personally, I don’t see the need for any more fancy gadgets. I want to savor my natural eyesight and give them as much rest as they need.       For one who treasures the written word and a real novel, I fear that electronics will be the only option available. If that happens, I will definitely miss the good smell of a paperback novel.

Yummylicious! (Green Envy)

                Picking up this year’s Sports Illustrated, I casually flipped through the pages. Of course, my main purpose was to search for a bikini that I liked, as my boyfriend said he would buy me one of my choice.  

                Before opening up the magazine, I skeptically looked at the front cover, reading all of the headlines. Then my usual practice is to flip a magazine over to view the back cover. The advertisement on the back appealed to me.

                Being a consumer of m&m candies, I have become a fan of their funny advertisements. The advertisement on the back of Sports Illustrated had me raising my eyebrows and smiling. This had to be one of their best advertisements yet!

                The infamous green m&m was lying on her stomach on a beach in New Zealand, with her white gloved hand down on the sand's surface, her torso raised, in model fashion. Sand freckled her chest. Her coy eyes and long lashes were flirtatious. She looked as seductive as cartoon candy can be.

                After studying it for awhile, I opened up the magazine, back page first. On the flip side of the cover, the green m&m was now in the ocean. In one hand, she was holding up her green outfit. The m&m was naked, with only her brown luscious center on display.

                This advertisement has so many subliminal messages and that must be why I have become attracted to it. “Eat me” is the first one that comes to my mind. Hopefully by now you have picked up that I am open to all aspects of nature. But since when did candy have to start seducing us humans to eat them? Frankly, I don’t care what kind of chocolate you are; I am going to eat you! Of course, I have to remember, too, that this magazine is catered to men. And let’s not forget all the beautiful (human) modeling women within the magazine.

                We all know what they say about green m&m’s – they’re supposed to be an aphrodisiac. This green m&m is easy then, because she’s already shed her green skin. I suppose the influence is to persuade men that if they feed green m&m’s to women, they’ll take their clothes off. In most cases, if not all, it’ll take a lot more than green m&m’s.  

                Advertisers have all learned that sex sells. The green m&m, being the only female, must take charge and push sex to the sexy limits. “In 1997 Miss Green made her TV debut and increased the M&M sales by 56%.” And I must say that she does her job well.

                I love the fun and clever advertising. I will always look forward to the new ads by m&m’s. My favorite to date would be this sexy ad in discussion. But I still love the one with Santa Clause. “They are real.” I have yet to pick out the bikini of my choice. 

               So next time you find yourself in the bookstore or grocery, take a look at the Sports Illustrated magazine's back cover and let me know what you think. Meanwhile, here's an image to enjoy...

 

© 2011 Teresa Balin. All rights reserved.

Hairy Situation

                “Don’t do it,” my boyfriend said in a low, threatening voice.

                The long, shiny blonde hair was sitting in front of me on the coffee table, next to the plate of rice and hot dog wiener that I abandoned. Disgusted, I pinched it between my finger and thumb and hung it above the carpeted floor. His threat was too late as I had already released it, to fall freely to the floor.

                Giggling, I replied, “too late. I have to vacuum anyway.” As soon as I said it, I thought about how the vacuum needed to be cleaned. 

                My hair seems endless as it is found everywhere! It’s in the bed, in the shower, on the toilet, on the bathroom vanity and floor, sometimes in my cereal, in my mouth, and between my teeth.  I have to clean the washing machine, relieving it from hair that has dried on the rubber mouth before I continue.  Don’t bother asking what my hair brush looks like.

                When I pull on socks, hair is clinging tightly to it. My chest tickles when hair gets down in my bra. Wouldn’t men love to learn that trick? Cleaning the kitty litter, I see my hair caked within my cat’s poop! It’s the invasion of Teresa’s hair! You can run, you can hide, but you can never escape the lurking doom of those single strands of hair!

                My car is my freedom, as it takes me from point A to point B. But does it provide freedom from my hair? No. It gets stuck in the window, its fluttering movements caught out of the corner of my eye. It’s on the car mats and I still don’t know how it ends up on the passenger side when I am never the passenger. Driving down the road, an unlikely hair will be on my windshield, outside! It’ll mock me, lying there against the glass, with the appearance of waving, when the stubborn thing won’t fly off with the wind.

                I can just imagine a stranger driving my old vehicle. Reaching over to adjust the rear view mirror, a hair is hanging down, imitating a fine spider web. The stranger wouldn’t know it, but it’s a piece of me that I’ve left behind, marking my territory.

                I could never successfully commit a crime. My hair would willingly give me away. Lord help us if my hair got released into the prison system. Prisoners would be using it to strangle the guards or themselves. In a confined space, the air supply would be choked from all the hairs that would have accumulated throughout the years. My hair would clog the drainage system and the prison would be flooded out.

                If I had collected all of the hair that has fallen from my little head, I bet I could have provided for all the hair loss due to cancer and all the wigs ever made. If my hair really felt that it had to desert me, then wouldn’t it have wanted to go out with a bang? It could start its own blog about how its clogged the inner city’s plumbing lines and has served its country by providing its services to those in need. My hair could have been made into shrimping nets and weaved into baskets. Thank God hair doesn’t have brains! I feel that I’ve polluted the earth enough!

                My hair should have its own song. “On top of spaghetti, all covered with hair. I couldn’t lose my poor meatball, as it hung from my hair.”

                As silly as it may be, I imagine after death, revisiting all the places my individual hairs have landed. I would definitely get to revisit a lot of my past! Perhaps even parts that are best left forgotten! I am not thrilled that my hair has given new meaning to flossing. I am not thrilled when I find a hair hanging from my anus and I get to pull it out. (What a thrill to pull it out, though!) My boyfriend is certainly not thrilled finding my hair on his clothes. Dealing with cat fur is enough.

                Hair is a tiny nuisance in my daily life. I suppose it’s a fact of living. As a woman, I should probably be happy that I have hair. Recently cutting my hair shorter, I thought it would solve my problem of daily hair loss. Nope. And should I be bald? Yes, I should be. But I’m not and in some small way, I suppose I am thankful for that.  So each day of my life, I arm myself with my best friend, a lint roller. I keep one in my purse, in my desk at the office, and one at home.

©2011 Teresa Balin. All Rights Reserved.

How to Kiss Ass (And Keep Your Self Respect)

Office politics are paramount wherever employees venture. Most employees are victims to the hierarchy that is the social paradigm of business. As every employee answers to a higher authority, social patterns change for the best or for the worst, depending on your view point. Kissing ass is one of those paradigms.

This is a satirical guide for those who want to learn actions necessary to win the attention of their boss, for whatever reason: a raise, promotion, or recognition. Certain actions that may seem irrational and just plain unethical are necessary to get ahead in today’s corporate world. Several people are witness to these actions every day and if this article is successful, it will provide them with familiarity and hopefully comic relief. Although there are issues that involve sexuality, that is not the purpose of this article.

-Your boss is a hard worker who has time issue tasks on a daily basis. Therefore, he/she can never seem to break for lunch. Offer to pick up a meal for him. If you do, chances are he’ll come to expect it every day. Even though he makes more money than you, a really good employee will not ask for reimbursement. A really good employee will buy him lunch every day, no questions asked. It’s always helpful to maintain a list of lunches and condiments that the boss favors. Another good tip is to always have his favorite beverage stocked in the office refrigerator.

            -Keep your boss’s favorite treats available at all times. A dish with fancy chocolates near your desk will ensure your boss knows who is providing the treats. It also provides a great snack in the afternoon. It just might also attract other office personnel and you can spy or contribute to office gossip.

            -Instead of saying, “Yes, Sir, right away,” say “yes, Boss, right away.” This reassures him that he is the ultimate leader. It also lets him know that you know he is the only one who matters. The more times you say it during the day, the better. Just think of yourself as being your bosses personal head cheerleader.

            -Even if it is not in your job description, complete all the tasks your boss assigns to you. Going above and beyond is the right attitude to get you noticed and appreciated. Your boss will also be assured that you are efficient and reliable.

            -Always follow up with your boss. It is important to let him know when you have finished a project – this assures him that you are able to control your tasks and take on more. Stay organized and bring home as many projects as you can so you can stay on top. You didn’t come this far to fall flat on your face!

            -Be available to your boss at all times. This includes night and weekends. Make sure he knows that they can stop by your home at any time, day or night. Your phone should be on 24/7 in case your boss needs your assistance.

            I am sure there are several more ways to indulge your boss. By working together closely, in time you will learn how to satisfy your boss 110%. Of course, perhaps I am not the best person to write this article, as my history has led me to marrying my boss. On second thought, I believe I am the best person to write this article!

©2011 Teresa Balin. All Rights Reserved.

Failure to Spell

3/29/11 - Case in point:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/1101/jersey.misspellings/content.1.html?xid=cnnbin&hpt=Sbin


I have always congratulated myself on the fact that I am a good speller. Easy A all the way! After all, it should be easy to spell the language that you were raised in communicating.

These past years have left an itch in my brain that I still have a hard time scratching. Never before have I noticed words misspelled on public terrain. I saw a dumpster with the notification “GARAGE” painted on the outside - it was temporarily parked in the Home Depot parking lot a while back. Walking along the Gulf Coast shops, there was a laminated sign on a shop’s door that announced: “Now Hiring: see Store Assciate Inside.”

Perhaps I am becoming more observant in my old age. Is my world starting to close in on me that I am now noticing more faults?

Or do I blame it on the mere fact that more illegal immigrants are living here, obtaining jobs, and leaving their uneducated marks?

Maybe it’s the educational system – the results of which are now plaguing us.

But then I have to wonder who the marketer was? Does anyone proof read anymore? Spell check is made easy with all software programs now. Or do we have to be educated about that, too? Yes, it is a complicated world.

I won’t exaggerate further because there are so many arguments that could be started here. Or perhaps I am being silly and letting the simplicity get to me too much. Either way, I am sure you will now start to notice the typos made public. Unless you are a bad speller, too.

©2011 Teresa Balin. All Rights Reserved.